It's been 3 years (and 3 days) since our family structure changed. There are still times when it is tough and where I still feel like we (the boys and me) are learning how to be.
Sometimes it feels settled, sometimes it still feels a bit messy and new. I don't know whether or not that is due to how our relationships are with each other, boundaries, moving house, or due to my mental health sometimes, or just how we are.
I put a lot of pressure on all of us sometimes, when we go out or if we are around other people. I worry so much about what other people think and it not only affects how I parent but also affects how they behave, their personality, and their enjoyment.
The summer holidays are hard for me because I don't get to see them as much as I used to when I didn't work. But then I have to work to give them a home, food, and a life. But I do feel I let them down by not being able to do much with them, or to take them on a proper holiday.
We have had little days out this summer and enjoyed 3 days in Somerset where we visited our favourite places and they even came with me when I got a couple of tattoos.
I've said before, I know I don't mother to the best of my abilities, and that's not me putting myself down, it is a fact. However, I am really proud of my children and of how they are as people. They are kind, funny, intelligent, confident and they know what love is. They also know and are not afraid to be themselves.
And for me that is important.