It's not been the best. It's not been the worst either but there are moments I am trying quickly to forget and to not let consume my life for much longer.
I did a 2 part course at work which was really helpful for part 1 but part 2 was fantastic in terms of helping me with where I need to focus and where I need to look at, address and cope with past situations. To strip them apart and to realise that they have no part to play in my life as they were due to other peoples actions and not mine.
My mental health has really suffered the last 3 months and I can't let it control my life for much longer.
There have been good moments. Really good moments.
I've made some fantastic friends through work, a couple who are local and one who lives almost 3 and a half hours away. I always find it funny how you can meet people and just go "You! I like you!", or to know that there is a reason they are in your life and that they have some kind of part to play. I like to believe that anyway.
So the other good moments.
I've made a lot of lovely memories with the boys which this year I've really felt is a big part of my purpose.
We went to a trampoline park for Harry's birthday, we went to Snetterton twice; once to watch British Superbikes and the second time to watch Truck Racing, we went to Las Iguanas for a meal and then went to the cinema to watch Toy Story 4. Charles had his first sleepover so Harry and I went to the Owl Sanctuary. We marched at Norwich Pride to represent Wickes, went also went to Norwich on the train a few weeks later with one of my best friends and his husband for a meal and a walk around the shops. We played in the garden (paddling pool summer!!), walked in the woods, had a beach day with Hayley and her two children, had a day at Bewilderwood, went to Bristol, and Wales.
I've definitely felt a bit unsettled really due to my job. My temporary placement is coming to an end however is also partly being extended meaning that actually I work for two departments in the company and have two bosses. It's nice to feel wanted and trusted but I think it might take a week or so to adjust.
In terms of dating, because I want to look back on this one day and have it noted, I've been on one date and that's it. For the first time in a long time I am almost completely ok with being single. But not "single and ready to mingle" but more "single and back off!!!". I'm not emotionally, mentally or physically (in terms of how I view myself and my looks and body) ready or willing to put myself out there for anyone.
I have a lot of work to do to be happy enough with myself to let someone in.
I'm not saying that I would completely rule out dating or anyone at the moment but it's one if those "if someone turns up then ok".
I'm happy to live by the quote "Sometimes what you're looking for comes when you're not looking at all".
My career has played a big part in my life the past 3 months but also, so has down time. I'm recognising when I need time to just forget it all and relax, have fun and be in the moment.
I've started to read again and managed 6 books in 3 months which for me, isn't bad at all!
And managed a trip to the cinema to see IT: Chapter 2 which I absolutely loved.
It's been really nice to have things to look forward to as well really.
So far for the rest of the year I have a theatre show, James Arthur concert, Dermot Kennedy concert, hoping to fit in a trip to Milton Keynes to see Hayley and the children also, as well as a car race and fireworks at Snetterton, various other fireworks displays, and then whatever Christmas holds!
