You're not as bad as you think you know. You're just changing. You're growing. You are finding yourself.
You're not a lost sheep, but it's like, when you look around you, you are standing in a big open space and as you look around you just see this mess. Piles of mess.
As you write this you picture it as piles of Lego. You're unsure as to how you are supposed to be sorting them.
Do you sort it by colour or are you supposed to look deeper into it?
Are you supposed to use these piles to build separate things? Taking a piece from that pile and adding it to that one to make it fit?
What if the Lego, altogether, builds you?
I think the hardest thing is, that you don't know where to start.
How do you work out what is the most important element to start with and to work on first?
You can sit, as you are doing now, and list the things. You can try and put them in order of importance but that's hard isn't it? When you can't work out what is the most important, because it all is, isn't it?
All of those things lead back to what, ultimately, is the most important. YOU!
You don't want to waste life, do you?
To do that whole "talent show cliche" 'life is a journey'. But when we get to the end, what happens then? Is it for nothing?
Maybe not, and maybe that is why you need to work on yourself.
To be the best version of you for whatever is next.
To ensure that this chapter of whatever life is, is a good one.
What if that is the way you need to look at life? You believe you have been here before, right?
Well, what if that that was one of the chapters and this is the next.
Not your story, but a story of your soul. And you play all these different "characters".
I don't know. I'm just giving you ideas.
You need to focus on your more though. You need to accept that maybe you've changed for a reason.
It feels significant doesn't it? It feels like there is a reason behind it, that is hasn't happened just because. You know?
Maybe you'll find out why. Maybe you won't.
Maybe you'll make mistakes, wrong decisions. But, maybe that's what you are supposed to do.
Maybe this, well, "THIS" that you are going through, maybe it is to build you up, to wake you up. To make you stronger.
Everyone else is so important to you.
Everyone else takes priority.
Their thoughts on how you should live, what you should do with your body and so on.
You care too much.
Picture yourself. In an open space again. Surround yourself with the people who you put above yourself. Those who are important, who take priority.
The ones whose opinions you put above your own.
The ones who you let have more of a say over your life and everything abut it.
That's a lot of people, right? It's never ending.
Take them all away.
All of them.
Who is left?
You.
That is the most important person. That's who should take priority. That is the person whose opinions should matter more than anyone else's.
That is the person, the only person who you should let influence you.
Work on yourself.
Realise how important you are.
Fix and organise that lego around you, it will help in so many ways. It won't be easy. It won't happen quickly. But you can do it.
Just work on yourself. It will be worth it.
