In October I realised already what my word for 2020 would be. I was stood at the Apollo in Hammersmith waiting for James Arthur to come on stage and three letters were illuminated at the back of the stage. Three letters that made up a simple word that I realised had followed me around for a while. The name of this tour, of his new album and song that became one of my favourites with lyrics that hit me hard.
The name of my new favourite perfume, well sort of new, one that was bought for me in 2017 that I'd almost run out of but kept the tiniest bit for a special occasion, a new bottle planned to be a treat for myself when I felt I really deserved it.
The tv show, it sounds so ridiculous that a tv show meant so much to me but it was a release, an escape, when I was feeling quite confused and crap. And so much of that programme, although disturbing to many, just made me realise what I want from life and from someone.
And the second series coming out on Boxing Day, a perfect way to end the year binge watching it from my bed whilst I had the house to myself. A good way to take my mind off the feeling of being lonely and of not thinking about families together whilst I was by myself.
I got it tattooed on my wrist at the end of November. A reminder of who my main focus should be. That despite moments of dislike, I am lucky to wake up everyday to be the person I am.
"You just spread your wings and fly, your wings and fly
I knew you always would
I knew you always were
I knew there always was nothing wrong with being You"
That I can't be anyone else.
And this year my focus needs to be me.
On getting to know me, on living a life that makes me happy and a life that I want to live. And despite quite liking myself at the moment, I want to like myself more.
To understand myself more and who I am.
There is a reason that word was so prominent and I can't ignore that.
This year, the year of 'You'.