I've been quite open about my faith on Instagram and have touched on it a little on here, but have never really discussed it properly.
I think it's important to start off by saying that I am very open minded about religion, and have masses of respect for whatever people choose to believe in. I would never doubt or question what someone else believes in just because I don't believe in it myself. I have no right to do that.
I have members of my family who are Jehovahs Witnesses and have often faced comments from others about that religion, which I find is swiftly changed once I mention that my nan is a Witness and has never forced her religion onto me. In fact, my nanny's faith is important to me as I feel it does improve her life, brings her friendships and an extra family, so who am I to ever question or be negative towards that, just because I don't believe in it myself?
I think the sad thing is that it could possibly affect my relationship with my nanny if she knew what I believed in. And as strong and comfortable, and confident I am with my faith, it is not worth ever potentially jeopardising a 33 year relationship with an amazing woman.
Anyway, I digress.
I've been interested in spirituality since 2006 when I saw a psychic for the first time and she became a friend. There was enough proof for me to believe in it, however at that point it wasn't such a big thing in my life. I think maybe I wasn't fully ready for it, and it wasn't my time to explore it.
Then in 2015 it became it a big part of my life.
It helped me make big life decisions, it brought me comfort...a massive amount of comfort, and I had enough proof to know that this is real. To know that there are others with me.
I got into meditation, into crystals and oracle cards. I got into following my gut, looking out for signs, listening to the voice in my head.
I think the important thing for me is that I follow my own path, my own journey, my own faith. Because that's exactly what it is. It's MY faith, and no one elses.
I don't follow any rules, I don't follow or read any bibles or literature.
I feel like, with my faith, it is all down to gut and intuition, and that can't be written down, or told.
There is a lot of growth, and I feel like I am constantly learning. I have had enough proof that what I believe is real.
However, I do constantly have questions, I have days when I doubt. I have days when I wonder what it truly is that I believe. I wonder if what I believe is actually true or if, psychologically, I tell myself and have convinced myself it is, just to being myself comfort.
But that for me is the beauty of my faith. That is isn't a strict religion. It is down to me. Completely.
I can interpret anything however I choose. I can have days of doubt and not feel guilty. To not have to say sorry to anyone.
I recently had a couple of months where I didn't do my cards, because it wasn't right for me to do it. And I respected that. Despite looking at them and wanting to do them, I had to follow the fact that at that time, it wasn't right for me to do them.
There are other things limiting since I have moved and although at times it has upset and confused me, I trust that there is a reason that right now it's not my time to be doing certain things, feeling or hearing certain things.
I know that there is a reason for it. That my focus and energy has to be elsewhere and once it is settled then things will come back.
And that's ok.
Because I have faith in my faith. I trust everything about my faith.