Separation and divorce is hard. Lets get the obvious out of the way.
Really, I think I actually had quite a simple and easy divorce. It helped that we communicated well (most of the time) and we both agreed to the terms and so on early on. In fact we had agreed that before even going to solicitors.
At no point have we argued over the boys and how we share our time with them. I hate the word custody, I hate putting a word on our time with them.
One thing I respected and still respect about my ex-husband is that a week after we separated he straight away said "I want 50/50 access". I replied, straight away saying that he could have whatever access he wanted. He is their parent too. It is a joint, equal, role and there was no way I would have denied him from seeing them.
I think the hardest part of the separation and divorce was the day we actually separated.
We both knew it was coming, I think. It had been on my mind a while and things were definitely not right.
There were moments of wondering if I would completely screw our children's lives up, and wondering what the hell I would do as I was a housewife, I had no money saved.
But in my head I knew that this wasn't how life was supposed to be.
It wasn't right to stay in a marriage just for the children, they deserved better. They deserved free, happy parents.
It wasn't right to stay in a marriage because I didn't have a job. There were other options.
It would have been easy for me to stay in some aspects. I didn't have to work...not yet anyway. And if I needed time to go for a walk etc he was always there with the boys.
It would have been easier to not have that conversation, but in the long run, and looking back on those last few months it was hard being in a family that didn't feel quite right. That didn't feel happy.
Since I've been single I have had a few people (actually I was quite surprised at the amount of people) who have said that they are unhappy in their relationships. They stay together because of the children, or because they feel they have no other option. Or more often than not, they are so used to living life as they are, unhappy and just muddling along, that they don't know how to leave.
And although I understand that, I find it really sad.
It's sad that we are so willing to just settle and live an unhappy life because we are too scared of what the alternative is.
Life is so short and we deserve to be the best version of ourselves and to live our best lives.
And it does make me sad and frustrated, unreasonably I guess because its not of my business, that people don't feel that urge or feel strong or brave enough to just be who they want to be.
Staying in something you are unhappy in, that isn't perfect, because of control.
None of us are really stuck in anything. There are ways out. But we are too full of excuses to not do anything about it.
We are all in control of our own lives. We all have choices and need to take ownership of that control, of those choices to make the best decisions for us.
And although there are days when you will feel broken and lost there are days when you will feel that freedom to do anything.
You are free to feel broken and lost and to not feel guilty about it.
We all deserve to be happy. To feel free.
It might not be easy, but it will be right.